Siriusly Crazy
by The Evil Corkyapine
Summary: A wacky oneshot involving kidnapping, hypnotism, lemon drops, & far too much chocolate! Sirius needs help getting rid of a clingy girlfriend, and who better to help then his best friends... A funny, harmless boredom-relieving fic for the slightly unusual.


**Siriusly Crazy**

**AN****: this is my first fic posted in a while, and it is not a very *Sirius* fic, it was just sumthin i cooked up in overly boring classes when there was nothing better to do.  
I do have two mild 'A Very Potter Musical' references, and if anyone notices them i will be pleased.  
Hope you like it, it's kind of *ridiculous*, but i liked writing it, so here goes!**

***SmileyFace* *NoIWillNotUseEmoticons***

* * *

"So... Jamesie... buddy... best pally friend in the...ever?" Sirius said hesitantly. James raised an eyebrow.

"What?" He asked.

Well..." Sirius answered. "i.n.e.e.d.y.o.u.t.o.b.r.e.a.k.u.p.w.i.t.h.s.e.r.e.n.a.f.o.r.m.e!"

Okay, repeat that, but use finger spacing between each word."

"I (. . .) need (. . .) you (. . .) to (. . .) break (. . .) up (. . .) with (. . .) Serena (. . .) for (. . .) me." Sirius replied, putting his index finger up in from of James' face for effect.

"Um, Padfoot," James half-laughed. "Why don't you just break up with her yourself, it's kind of your forte."

"I have. Three times." Sirius groaned.

******_**flashback****_

"_Serena, I think, well, it's not gonna work out. It's over, 'kay!?"_

"_Yeah, I love you too, you sexy, wonderful boyfriend of mine!"*sigh*_

_****flashback****_

"Urgh!" James and Sirius shuddered.

"Okay, I'll do it" James decided. "But it will take brilliance and genius-ness. Luckily, I am _very_ brilliant, and will come up with a cunning plan."

*~* . *~*

"So Remus... buddy... best pa-"

"I'll help." Remus interrupted Sirius' spiel.

*~* . *~*

"Operation llama is a go!" Sirius whispered.

"Um... Sirius mate, why are you whispering?"James asked.

"For effect!" Sirius said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh huh." Remus muttered. "And 'Operation llama'?"

"Llamas are EPIC!" Sirius yelled.

James just shrugged, he was used to his friends' antics, and moved away to his place in the deserted hallway.

When Serena Jones walked into the hallway and saw Sirius there, she quickly shooed her friends away.

"SIRIUS!" She squealed. "Were you waiting for me? That's so sweet!"

"NOW!" Shouted Sirius. With a quick levitation charm, Remus and James lifted an old muggle net into the air, successfully trapping Serena inside it.

"Stupefy!" Remus yelled. He had a happy, although slightly unnerving, grin on his face. "I've always wanted to do this!" He yelled. Sirius and James looked at each other, slightly afraid.

*~* . *~*

"So, why exactly are we doing this, Moony?" Sirius asked, confused.

"You wanted to get rid of her."

"Yeah, but this?"

"What? I don't see anything wrong with brainwashing her. It will be _so_ much fun!" Remus squealed.

"You... just... squealed." Exclaimed James, looking slightly scared. Sirius looked like he was about to run away, but at that moment, they heard a grunt. Serena was waking up.

"Right." Remus said, matter-of-factly. "Let's get to work." He muttered a quiet spell to animate his picture, then levitated it in front of her. The picture was a stick figure depiction of an angry man jumping up and down, looking dangerous. Above him, was the word 'Sirius' with an arrow pointing to the man.

"Sirius. Bad." Remus started chanting, calmly. James and Sirius were getting increasingly more terrified of their friend. At that moment, Peter Pettigrew, the fourth member of the Marauders,had the misfortune to walk in. He took one look at the scene, gasped, then walked out.

"SIRIUS, BAD! HAHAHA! BAD I TELL YOU!" Remus screamed, as though there had been no interruption.

"Um... Moony mate, I think you've had enough chocolate for a while, so, just give me the chocolate." James said hesitantly.

"NOOOO!" Remus yelled. "MY CHOCOLATE!"

"Okay..." Sirius said, backing away slowly.

"Anyway," Remus seemed to regain his sanity a bit. "Back to the brainwashing-slash-hypnotism, or whatever you want to call it."

They heard the door open again, and they froze, thinking that they had made too much noise, and a teacher overheard their tirade. However it was just Peter, back again, and holding a triangular object in his hands.

"What's that Wormtail?" Sirius asked. James and Remus just looked at Sirius like he was mad.

"A Triangle." James said.

"I get that, but what is it used for?"

"No, it's called a Triangle," Remus explained. "It's a musical instrument, you would be pretty good at it I think." Sirius' face lit up at that, feeling happy about being good at another thing, another gloating prospect.

"You just ding it." James said, putting out Sirius' good mood.

"I thought it would be snazzy." Peter said in a small voice. Remus looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded enthusiastically.

"Actually, this gives me an idea..." He said.

*~* . *~*

Five minutes later, it was all set up. Sirius stood there with a maraca, looking very exited, and Peter with his triangle in his hand. James had thought himself 'too mature', so he was sitting in a corner, stroking his imaginary beard. Remus was standing in front of Serena again, but this time with a better picture, an enlarged photo of Sirius looking angry.

"Let's try this again." Sirius said, smiling.

"Sirius." Sirius shook the maraca twice. "Bad." Peter hit the triangle once.

"Sirius" Shake shake. "Bad." Ding.

"Sirius" Shake shake. "Bad." Ding.

"Sirius" Shake shake. "Bad." Ding.

"Sirius" Shake shake. "Bad." Ding.

*~* . *~*

About an hour later, the door opened with a bang, as Professor McGonagall entered the room.

Potter, Pettigrew, Black! What in Merlin's name are you doing here? This area is out of bounds. Detention. Come with me." And with that, they left.

"Don't worry." James whispered. "Moony has it under control.

*~* . *~*

When he heard the door shut and the footsteps retreat, Remus pulled the invisibility cloak off him and Serena, and removed the silencing charm. The cloak actually belonged to James, however after the incident in first year when James misplaced the cloak with his school bag hidden under it, and had to go on an invisible bag hunt lasting two hours, Remus was responsible for looking after the cloak. It really came in handy when teachers arrived at their crime scenes before they had cleared the area. Remus would just throw the cloak over himself, which was why he never got in trouble. Even though it was usually his ideas that got them into trouble in the first place.

"Excellent!" He exclaimed. "Back to business then."

*~* . *~*

A week later found the marauders in the great hall, eating their lunch.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Moony's hypnogasm thing worked." Sirius said. James and Remus laughed hysterically at that statement. James even fell off his chair.

"What?" Sirius asked. "What I miss?"

"Hypno_tism_!" Remus corrected, barely controlling his laughter.

"Yea, that..." Sirius mumbled. At that moment, Serena spotted them, and began making her way toward them.

"I spoke too soon" Sirius said, sadly.

"So, Sirius, I've been wondering why I left you, and now I realize that it was a horrible idea, I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed. Sirius looked scared.

"Lemon drops." Remus said unexpectedly. Sirius started to ask what the heck Remus was on about, but his words were drowned out by a loud scream. Serena was shrieking at the top of her lungs. She then ran out of the room.

"You didn't think I wouldn't have a Plan B, did you?" Remus said smugly. A soft chuckle sounded from behind them.

"I _found_ that rather amusing." Chuckled Dumbledore, eyes twinkling. "I think I have a new favorite muggle sweet after that. I must go now, pupils to teach, lemon drops to buy..." He retreated, leaing the Marauders watching him go, frozen in shock.

"That was weird." James murmured, breaking the stunned silence.

We- we didn't get in trouble..." Remus stuttered, wide eyed.

"Still, Sirius said, looking cheery. "That got rid of Serena. How did you do that anyway?"

"Fed her a cockroach cluster whenever I said the words 'lemon drops', while showing her your picture." Grinned Remus.

"Genius!" James and Sirius yelled at the same time.

"That reminds me." Remus added thoughtfully. "Where is our residant not-so-genius anyway?"

*~* . *~*

In a corner of a desrted room in the seventh floor sat Peter Pettigrew, grining stupidly, and randomly dinging a triangle.

"Hehehe..." He chuckled softly.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

* * *

**Yep, so that was my 'Class is so boring let's write a oneshot' fic.**

**hope it was enjoyed by at least one person...**

**review if you want, it'll give me a smile.**

**so, yeah... apple.**

**-T.E.C**


End file.
